Bride Me

          For the longest time I've been wanting to write this post. I have been through such extreme emotions lately that I've become numb to criticisms. Anyway, I want to be less sad right now, among all the things happening around me and in my mind. Where do I start from, Um, okay! I'm a bride-to-be now with less than a fortnight away for the big day. No, I'm not gonna bore you with my wedding preparations ( or how much  tensed I am about how the tailor stitches my attire). No, I'm not gonna talk about the huge epic-sode that happened when I tried to elope and my parents agreed to marry me finally (or the pain of a Hindu Brahmin- Roman Catholic wedding issues). Fret not.

               I have been living in one house (named Trupthi - meaning 'satisfaction') for two and a half decades and I'm a deep-rooted person, meaning I love this city and my world in the city - my house, my locality, my food, my people. Since five years I have been spending less lone time in the house, but the best feeling is being alone in this house, and having relatives I like come home - cousins and friends. These two feelings - Trupthi indeed. I have lived in a joint family for a long time, and the best thing probably that has taught me is to think about other's feelings (Eloping and hurting parents won't come under this list please, that's a different game altogether hehe). And since we started living separately in different floors, I became closer to parents and sister.

                When I tried to elope (lasted for twelve hours hardly and whatte twelve hours - nightmare in one word) I had forced myself to become a rock with no sentiments to this house and the people in it. But, now when things are happening the way I had wanted ( In the same temple I wanted and with my parent's blessings) I'm feeling the punch. Like any normal bride, its hitting me now that I will not be living in this house after a few days. I will not be sleeping in my bed in my room after a few days. I will not wake up listening to mom singing devotional songs from kitchen (she is my favourite singer, no kidding) . I will not walk out of the room to say good morning (I say Hi for some reason, even though mom corrected me couple of times) to see daddy reading newspaper in the living room. I will not be waking up listening to mom dad and sister arguing about something. I will not be guessing who is entering towards my room in my mind ( I can recognise dad's and sister's footsteps and mom's anklet's sound is the sweet obvious ). Since few years dad and mom started going in car together for work. Before this, dad used to leave home precisely at 8.30 and reach office at 9 am. Now, since mom is going with him, he is ready at 8.30 and sits in the car and waits for mom, and gives the first warning horn at 8.40 and final warning horn at 8.45 which means "I'm leaving you and going, you better hurry" (Dad has lost his "always punctual to work" praise because mom is always late and hence the tardiness). So sometimes, in this ten minute's time I'm inside talking to mom when she's getting ready and she talks really funny when she is in a hurry and sings random songs and says "I HAVE to go before your dad horns today" and the next second we hear dad's horn and we burst out laughing, and she asks me which bindi to wear and sometimes I tell her "Ma wear that saree no...thaaat one" and show her some very old saree that I like. Sometimes , in this ten minutes gap I go and sit next to daddy in the car when he is waiting and listen to radio and talk to him. And when mom comes towards car I go inside  the house and stand outside the door and wait for dad to see me through the car's mirror and wave at me. Many times, I would be waiting for him to see and he would forget to look for me in the mirror. I would not be talking random shit with my sister and commenting on hot guys on tv and fighting with her for no reason. I would not be taking sister anywhere or dropping her anywhere or going together to pick up some food in the evenings.  I would not be sitting in that place in the dining hall (same place always) and eating dinner and talking and sometimes spitting water on my plate if I hear something very funny. I would not be waking up mom in odd hours, late in the night if I see a cockroach somewhere and see her pick up a broom or a footwear to kill it. I would not be making tea for daddy or grandpa. I would not be eating the food that mom makes and make unreasonable comments on it. I would not be able to fight with sister for the tv remote. I would not be able to suggest something when dad wants to know what to do in small situations , they consider my suggestions. I would not be able to sleep next to mom sometimes and talk talk and talk, and sometimes drift off to sleep when she's still talking. I will not be able to "live" in that house anymore. The house where I grew up. The house that made me a baby-girl-teenager-woman. The house where I celebrated Diwali and Ugadi. The house where I put Rangoli for occassions. The house which I decorated with small things I found nice.

Well, these are some of the things that crossed my mind now. There are million other things I will not be able to do. 

Changing times. Inevitable - every Indian bride will go through this emotional roller coaster.